What the...

Today, I went to one of those Friday Night Teen Night things at this place called the Lodge. Just take Lifetime Fitness and cut it in half. I guess it's like the YMCA. Anyway, this place was scary. Not because it was big, or because it had weird food, but these people were... Blech.

I'm talking about the kids. It was weird. Basically, it was just at the pool. There were a BUNCH of girls running around, talking to each other about these cute boys. Now, I understand some girls talking about some kids pumping lead, but this was some kid with a white hoddie and skinny jeans. Like, skin tight jeans. On a guy. Awkward. And plus, it was like a huge clan of girls. Like, 20.

Speaking of "clans" there was also this... strange group of people. One of them kept flirting with Josh. It was just about the weirdest thing. This kid was, like, a 6th grader, and she kept telling Josh to "stay two inches away." First of all, she thought two inches was a foot. Second, she could not drop it. One minute, she's talking to what she calls her "committee" (AKA friends,) and the next she's yelling at Josh "TWO INCHES!" And he would just stand there and stare. So, we decided to see what would happen if I walked right up there and just stared them down.

So, I wade my way on over there, and do that creepy eyebrow thing, where I lower my eyelids so low, you can't see my pupils. One kid goes, "Don't gimme that look." Another says, "That's creepy," then another says "But no one cares. No one likes you." I just continue to stare them down. Then the "two-inches girl" comes up and says, "Hey, you're two-inches guy's friend! Why don't you tell him to-" Then she got whistled at by a life guard for hanging onto the rope in the middle of the pool. Apparently, they didn't care that I was there anymore and decided to go and start jumping off the edge of the pool like some other kids were doing. As they waded away, one of her friends gave me the, "I have no idea why she is doing this" look.

Then there's the locker room. Now, surprisingly, there wasn't any "inappropriate conduct" here, but there were these two kids hanging around by the swimsuit dryer, and trying to act "cool" by saying the word "gay" as much as possible. One says to the other, wrapped in a towel, "Hey, are you wearing anything under that?" He responds, but I kind of forget what he said. Then I hear "I'm not that gay," and "Dude, that's gay," and "That's so gay."

It got me thinking on a few points. One, I'm glad my school is not like this. At least, not this bad. Second, when did kids get this way? I mean, all there was was a lot of flirting and eating food and hanging with friends. I was happy to see I didn't really know anyone there and that I wasn't really involved with any of the stuff going on there.

So, to wash my brain out, I watched some "Monster Buster Club." Please, never watch this show. It's like Ghostbusters, but they replace everything with "kid-friendly humor" and "kid stars.' It's an animated show about some kids saving the world from aliens. It's also one of those shows with, "Hey everyone, let's get out our super-high-tech-awesome-wristwatch-communicator-computer-text-message-receiving-GPS-device!!!" And of course, all the same cliches repeat themselves. "Oh no, some snooty kid started lying about me!" "Oh no, these cool new massage chairs I bought for the school are attacking us all!" Oh no, because of my broken leg, I can't catch up to you guys! Go on without me!" "No, a team never leaves a friend behind!" And don't forget the all important weird jokes only 8-year olds would understand. "Let's go pour slime in his ears!" "Oh, that's not how you great a leader on your planet?" Yeah, because on their planet, everyone takes time out of their day to go buy some slime and pour it down some guy's ear canal.

And for my friend Josh out there, this is for you. "Accelaratronininators."